I was exhausted, fighting with grief , took a short but sweet trip to Texas to see the Freud exhibit.
What a beautiful show, inspirational.
But this Monday I was exhausted, I arrived home Thursday night. To a mess, as usual.
I could feel the feelings of grief......like driving into a thick fog .
To say that it was " an unavailing would be to delicate.....subtle.
Nothing like subtle, bam! The wall of grief surrounding me like a long lost friend smothering me almost to the point that I can't breath.
Gasping for air, it wraps me a warm blanket of sadness . Expecting to be chilled oddly it was neither warm nor cold, just there. A feeling of pressure , of sadness, oddly not alone. For I had all my memories.
I found myself wanting to take a giant leap into the past, but I'm being pushed into the future.
Literally pushed, I felt a soft push in the middle of my lower back, a firm but loving push of a mother to be present in life.
I struggle, to set myself free, free of guilt, grief but not of sweet memories.
Life goes on.
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